Soapbox #6
02/15/2005
Hi, Heroes! Have no fear, Stan is here! It must be hell for you, having to wait all these long weeks till we can get together. But seek ye solace in the fact that it’s just as tough for me. After all, I’m bustin’ to tell you all kinds of news and I haveta wait till it’s time for this, the most eagerly awaited column in the history of the world, to appear! Okay, so maybe I exaggerate a little. So maybe it’s the most eagerly awaited column by my family, but hey, you get the idea.
Are you ready for my first stupefying pronouncement? I might as well start off with a big one. Remember The Beatles? Remember Ringo, the colorful, charismatic character who’s arguably the world’s most famous drummer? Well, Ringo and I got together a short time ago and decided it was time for us to collaborate on a wild and wondrous animated DVD in which-- get this now-- Ringo becomes one of the world’s greatest superheroes, albeit a reluctant one! And the best part is, he’ll use his own voice (no imitators here!) and he’ll personally provide all the music! Can you picture it? The legendary Ringo, playing a Stan Lee superhero for the first time in the most hilarious, most musical, most far-out animated DVD ever beheld by human eyes! I’d say more but, as you know, I hate to boast!
But that’s only scratching the surface of all the great stuff I’m puttin’ together for you. And, while your eyes start welling up with tears of gratitude, I’ll clue you in to more of the treats that I’ve got in store.
First of all, I toldja in my last column about the great new graphic novel named “Alexa” that I’ve decided to bestow upon a thankful reading public. Well, it’ll be going on sale ‘most any day now. So, be sure to haunt your book store and keep asking for it, hour after hour, day after day, until you drive the clerks out of their minds. That’s what they get for keeping you waiting! And while you’re devoting every waking minute to trying to get a copy of Alexa, I’m starting to work on a second graphic novel, because I can’t bear the thought of you finishing Alexa and wanting more, more, more and not being able to find another one of my stories! Y’see, grasshopper? It’s all about you.
My second graphic novel, which is still in the planning stage, will either be called “The Inmates” or “The Visitors.” It’s a suspense-filled adventure dealing with a hero and heroine who are the only two humans who can stop planet Earth from being totally destroyed! (Well, I guess I can stop it, too, because I’m writing the story-- but I’ll modestly let our heroes take the credit) However, I need your help. Should I call the yarn “The Inmates” or “The Visitors?” Even though I’ve kept the details of the story secret, which name appeals to you the most? Be sure to lemme know. This is, of course, a typical Stan Lee no-prize contest. You won’t win a thing. I just wanna pick your brains. I may be cheap, but you’ve gotta admit I’m truthful!
But now, on with the announcements! My new company “POW!” just made an arrangement with one of the world’s biggest providers of cell phone entertainment! Yep, you read that right. Before you know it, you’ll be able to see the cartoon adventures of some of my most outlandish, weirdest and daringly different characters ever-- all on the itty bitty screen of your itty bitty cell phone while you hold it in your itty bitty hand and marvel at with your bloodshot eyes! (Fooled you, right? You expected “itty bitty eyes.” Well, Bunky, you can’t win ‘em all!)
Lets see, what else can I tell you? Oh, yeah, I’ve just made a deal with one of the major TV networks to produce an animated Christmas special based on the children’s book I wrote, “Stan Lee’s Superhero Christmas.” So, next Christmas be sure you’re near a TV. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought you’d missed my first big TV special!
Hey, stop the presses! I almost forgot the biggest news of all! I’ve got a cameo in the new Fantastic Four movie! Yep, I play Willie Lumpkin, the local mailman. In fact, I actually get to say a few words to Reed Richards. Every time they shot a new take of my scene I added a few more words to my “role,” hoping to get some more screen time. Iaon Grufford, a really terrific actor who plays Mr. Fantastic, got into the spirit of the thing and he began adding more words to his conversation with me, too, while we drove Tim Story, the director, mad. Of course, most of our dialogue will end up on the cutting room floor, but it sure was fun while it lasted. But let me tell you about Michael Chiklis who plays The Thing. I was worried about how any actor could really manage to look like everyone’s favorite orange-skinned clobberer. Well, lemme tell you, my good friend Michael plays The Thing like he was born for the role. I predict that his costume and his performance will win him raves wherever the FF plays, and it’s gonna play everywhere! As for the rest of the cast, they’re merely sensational. I know the Fantastic Four’ll be a major hit because everyone’s sure to come to see my award-winning performance-- and then, of course, they’ll stay to see the rest of the movie.
So, till we meet again, try not to let the days without me depress you too much. If our absence becomes more than you can bear, you can always visit me on my new web site at http://www.POWENTERTAINMENT.COM. Actually, the site is just now being designed and put together, but you might enjoy watching its progress from time to time. That’s almost as exciting as watching grass grow, but at least it’ll keep you outta trouble.
Now, till we meet again, O True Believer, remember ye well these imperishable words… Comicbooks will never die. This is what I mean-- There’ll always be some movie guy Who’ll put them on the screen!
Excelsior!
--Stan
